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i'll find the grace.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
no matter how many list im able to make about the bad things..just one thing on the good side beats it all.
and something ill always hold on too.
to cherish. to love.
the last memory we spent together was by far the best.
it wasnt anything that great but it was still something meaningful.
i regret so much in such a little time.
all that madness.
the fights, the ignorance.
the times i didnt feel loved. but i was wrong.
i thought i knew and felt it.
it was nothing compared to now.
my chest feels like its compressed.
no air going in.
my heart is always racing.
this thing sucks me in. but it doesnt spit me out.
i didnt expect things to be like this.
like was either disneyland or shit.
this.. for me.. feels worst than diarrhea.
i dont usually run away from things.
well, didnt. not the same story anymore.
this thing youre putting me in feels like agony.
its not that i want to end my life but i want to run away.
far far away.
thats why im thinking about my mom's offer.
and i just might move to perth this january.
ill forget my pass and live a new life.
ill only keep some of them on my right hand.
i cant bare to see you with her.
it crushes my heart and lungs at the same time.
why wasnt i allowed to do the stuff she does now?
why wasnt i able to take your stuff home with me?
i only wanted to be with you somehow.
i didnt want to feel empty until the next morning.
youre hurting me more than you ever did.
this hurts more than you told me you didnt have the same feelings for me anymore when you came home from afar.
im so scared. i feel alone.
cold.
at the corner of an abandoned alley.